Intense children are hard to raise. Everything’s a big deal with intense kids…the good stuff, like happiness and laughter and excitement (they feel everything so strongly!), and the not-so-good stuff, like the frustration, the anger, the screaming when hurt. You always know how intense kids feel about what’s going on.
I was an intense kid. My mom used to ask me (actually plead is a better word), “Why do you have to make such a big deal out of ______________ (fill in the blank)? The others don’t carry on all the time.” The others were my four siblings. They had their own issues, but I was the “intense” one, the one who got in my mom’s face about whatever it was that was going on inside of me.
I KNOW I was hard to raise. So was my older son. If you’ve read Raise the Child You’ve Got—Not the One You Want, he’s the one who’s “just like me.” We disrupt the family. We are demanding. We are “the problem.”
These children are more likely to become alienated and disconnected from their families than easier to raise kids. Once this happens, parents may lose any chance of being a positive influence in their child’s life. Like being able to teach their child how to manage their intense emotions…and self-regulate, essential skills to learn in order to thrive on a positive path.
It is crucial for parents of intense kids to get the support they need in order to prevent this from happening. Keeping a warm connection with intense kids is the gateway to teaching them how to channel their intensity appropriately and grow into an amazing adult. Learn how to lead with acceptance. Create the warm connection that comes from feeling seen and understood. Then you’ll be able to be the leader your child needs you to be.